Finding Yourself After Years of Giving
The Cost of Self-Sacrifice
Many women wake up one day realizing they’ve poured so much energy into others that they’ve lost touch with themselves. Raising children, supporting partners, caring for aging parents, and showing up for colleagues often come first — while our own needs quietly slip to the bottom of the list. Without noticing, self-sacrifice becomes the only story we know.
I saw it in my grandmothers, my aunts, and my mother. They weren’t neglected by the men in their lives, but they lived as if giving everything and keeping nothing was the rule. When I became a mother, my mom told me, “Take care of yourself first.” At the time, I couldn’t fully understand. I was repeating the pattern I had witnessed.
Yoga gave me the first pause. It asked me to think for myself, to question what I had learned — not to reject it, but to see if it truly served me. Slowly, I began asking the question that would not leave me: Who am I beyond these roles?
When Life Presses Pause
Life eventually forces us to stop. For some, it’s when children leave home, when a relationship shifts, or when retirement arrives. That pause can feel like emptiness or restlessness, but beneath it is an invitation to look inward.
I remember joining school meetings with other moms and still feeling isolated. I was surrounded by people, yet disconnected from myself. Strangely, I felt most alive not at the coffee dates, but when teaching yoga — breathing, moving, and connecting with my students. That’s when I understood my mother’s words. I became the woman beyond the mother, which gave me more connection with my children.
For me yoga helped me to remember the Self — the deeper essence beyond roles and duties.
Remembering the Woman Beneath the Roles
When we stop long enough, emotions rise to the surface. Sadness for what we didn’t achieve, fear of beginning anew, regret for time lost. Silence can be uncomfortable because it brings these feelings to the surface. But they are messengers, pointing us toward self-knowledge.
Journaling, meditation, walks in nature, or simply sitting quietly allow us to hear our own voice again. At first, it feels awkward and uncomfortable, but then we discover that we are more than mothers, wives, or professionals. We are human beings with creativity, wisdom, and presence that go far beyond our responsibilities.
Choosing Joy and Balance
Reclaiming the Self doesn’t mean rejecting the roles we’ve held; it means expanding beyond them. It means giving yourself permission to pursue what nourishes you — passions, interests, or even small daily rituals that make you feel alive.
For me, yoga offered tools of contentment and discipline. Breathwork, nourishing food, mindful movement, and meditation became my anchors. They reminded me that joy is not something to wait for; it’s something to cultivate.
For you, it may look different. It could be art, gardening, writing, or learning to “date yourself” — spending intentional time with your own heart.
A Reflection for You
If you feel disconnected after years of giving, pause and ask yourself:
What role have I been playing the longest?
What lights me up when no one else is watching?
What small act of care can I give myself today?
Walking the Path Together
Reclaiming yourself is not about becoming someone new; it’s about remembering who you already are. And you don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re ready to embark on this journey, I've created a free e-guide to help you reconnect with yourself.
You can also join me for a complimentary coaching session, where we’ll create space for clarity and help you define the next step toward living with intention and joy. Connect with me.
The path begins with one question: Who am I? — and the courage to listen for the answer.